Random shit...

I have realized that I like to swear... I actually enjoy swearing...It makes me smile. You might not like it, but I don't really give a fuck. I am in that type of a mood today. A weird, confused, lost mood. I feel like I have just been floating through the day, and that it has been a normal day. Normal in a sense that I feel like everyone else feels who is normal, and not weird like me. Or is it just the way I think normal people feel... I think it would suck to be normal...to me that is. Or is it great living inside of a scared, protective bubble... sheltered from reality and living in the daily routine that is madness to me. Boredom= Madness... Normal= what a stupid fucking day. But do they know that they are boring and normal? Or am I just god damn crazy.  Maybe both?! I hate seeing movies when someone is on the top of a building looking down onto a million people in the middle of the day... and calls them pawns or sheep or cattle. Why??? because it makes sense to me. We go through these daily routines so we can be tired, come home to our families, put food on the table, a roof over the head....blah blah blah.... Why??? So our kids can have a great job when they are older and live in a fucking routine. I hate it so much that I have to do it myself. I just love money....why??? Less worries. Don't tell me money is not important!!! You are a god damn fool if you say that.  If and when I have a kid I will do 2 things... Teach him the importance of having a bank roll and placing him/her in track... I hate seeing kids who run like tards.... If a kid is in track they can do any sport and be fine. But I don't even have a kid... so what ever. Back to the rat race! I hate it. People are thrown into their Corporate America jobs so they can help the world work...which to me is also known as being fucking idiots. Lacking creativity, being conformists... I don't hate these people... I just can't imagine being them... or maybe the life of a lab rat is amazing??? I will never know. Maybe an anvil will fall on my head like in the old cartoons and I can live the live of a mental midget! I will say there is a god at that point. Take my psycho babble away and conversations with myself. I can't sleep any more... I am a fucking utter mess... sick... the word utter is an ugly ass word. I need a break from this. A mental vaca so I can live the life of a simp! 1 first class ticket to sanity!!! You are damn right that I am in the writing mood... for those of you who read this I am sorry. Actually I am not... if it makes sense to you, than yes, I am sorry... but for those of you who don't get it... well... You are whom I am writing about...maybe go drink drano, a liter of hot 100, and lay on your back so when you vomit you then end your misery. Sorry I am in a pissy mood. Why do Brits always use the word cunt? They use it like we use the word shit... it sucks... I want to use it like them. But it is so forbidden, "shhh don't say that".... FUCK OFF!!! I understand the need to eat and have shelter... that is why we work. Many people will never tap in to that creative side and break out of that shell of fecal matter that has been thrown at them their whole lives and they cant see past it...or know what living free is really all about. Maybe they are the free ones... maybe using only half of your brain is the way to happiness... maybe they inherited it... or maybe they just give into it...we can call it " voluntary retardation"... sorry I am not politically correct. Side note.... if you are ever on the 90 going West out of Chicago don't get off on an exit you think is a toll booth... What a dumbass decision. Half an hour to get back on!!! Slit my wrists the long way please! I don't know where this is going... I have to be back at the starting line for the start of the rat race at 6am... I would rather be the guy at white castle who throws the little blue tablets in the toilet at times... at least I could come up with new ways to toss the tablets... Wow.... So I was pointlessly flipping through channels today and a commercial came up that made me laugh... It was about how people call things "gay".  It had some under paid, I am trying to become famous, I took on my second level " on camera" classes last summer actress babbling her bullshit. She confronted her friend who simply said " that is gay".... Who gives a shit? Why are we so damn sensitive? I had to laugh... That commercial didn't make people think twice about saying that... all it did was make the simps of the world go "wow, that is a gay commercial" ... "haha dude, I can't believe they put that commercial up.... crazy man... I always say that shit". (takes another hit of the weed, paranoid that his father will be home soon and will find out that he is a "Druggy"...when in reality Dad dropped his zigzags on the floor of the garage only for his son to find later on in life) Those rediculous commercials piss me off and make me want to puff!!! Lets carve and apple and smoke that shit! You know those fucking commercials that have taken the DARE program to much higher, pursuasive bullshit levels..

Guy: "hey we should smoke"

Girl: " no i am babysitting"

Guy: " come on... just a little won't hurt"

Girl: " I shouldn't... what if the baby wakes up?"

Guy: " nothing will happen... it is sleeping... that is what babies do!"

Girl: " Umm... okay..."

THEY SMOKE

Guy: " what do you want to do now?"

Girl:" Lets go get something to eat and go to the mall"

BABY CRYING AND LEFT BEHIND

Are you fucking kidding me? What the shit kind of weed were they smoking. Most people I know are silent, laughing, hungry, or overly analytical... I don't hear any commercials about drinking too much... just drunk driving. Thats it....when I have been sick for days from drinking but never had a weed hangover... All of that shit stems from the government and their nonsense... Don't punish people for inhaling every now and then so they can escape their boring ass, over worked, putting in twice the hours as before, all GW's fault lives... They are just mad because they can't tax the shit out of it... So figure it out and sell it in stores. Our economy will not hurt as bad... drug dealers might line the streets and protest... But imagine picking up pre rolled filtered cigarettes... but instead of addictive, tar laced tobacco... their is some of northern cali's finest... the mendocino greeno... and it comes in a carton... a dollar off your gas purchase if you buy 10 gallons or more. WTF?! I am tired and can't sleep... my legs feel like a 90 year old street walking prostitutes... Actually...who needs weed??!!! just deprive yourself of that life extending thing called sleep... it is the best drug you will ever have!!! Yay for it being Tuesday already... why the hell am I still up... time to go lay in bed and miss out on the R.E.M. sleep that all of the normal common folk get on a nightly. Peace out bitches!!!

F**k This Day

I wish at times that I could just forget how to breath.

Why can't I be 8 or 9 again, with the only fear being my parents finding out that I didn't complete my homework? Or showing up at home after the sun went down....

I'll explain...

Some of my favorite things to do as a child were playing the original Nintendo.... yes I am old, or playing house with Lisa who was my first crush, or guns with Mike Maze, a boy who had a RAD(this word was actually used... I told you I am old!!!) knife collection and satellite dish ears. I would pick which one made me the happiest at the moment and make it happen. Showing up the the front door of my house anytime past 7 meant a beating. And not just by a hand... a hand gripping a chopstick or a spoon....not a metal spoon of course. We aren't a crazy family!!! So next time you are eating sushi think of my 8 year old ass or the backs of my legs... talk about raw! Most parents want god fearing children...My brother and I were mom fearing children. Because god we were told would forgive us. Mom beat us like we were in old Asia.

My father only hit me once...
with a shoe...
in the head...
once again...I'll explain.

We had just come back from a family outing with my father. We being my 2 smaller brothers and myself. I was entirely too excited to be home since that meant going across the street to see Luis, which consisted of eating cup-o-noodles doused with Tabasco, and hours of video games with occasional basketball breaks. I was stoked, so stoked that I forgot that I was not alone in the back of our beige, ninja turtle looking van. I lept out of the car and slid the van door closed...
but it didn't completely close...
that's impossible, I slammed it shut. I slammed it shut alright, right onto my brothers outstretched little fingers. They looked like miniature plums instantly. My father yelled what I think was my birth name. I couldn't tell with the pitter patter that my feet made against the asphalt as I sprinted across the street, away from my father, and towards the safety of Luis's home. I remember my last step was about a foot from his lawn...and then "WHACK!!!" I instantly knew why my hand eye coordination was so good when it came to sports. Why I was always a pitcher, or a quarterback, or a shooting guard. Or why it only took me one shot with a sling shot to take a snakes head off. He threw that fucking shoe 30 feet in the air and picked me off while on the move... that is talent!

Even with the beatings I had...most of them I deserved. I would still chose to be back in that time...

Life today is filled with work, war, reality tv garbage, individuals with no respect for themselves or others, useless statistics, garbage right wing hater news, working overtime to catch up just to go to bed immediately and start the fucking rat race over again tomorrow, and ridiculous non-creative music with no meaning.... what the fuck happened to real Hip Hop?!

People always say don't live in the past... I say WHY THE FUCK NOT?!!!

Karaoke

My Iddy Biddy little sister turned 18 today. In order to fully understand the type of person she is might take 300 pages... The complexity of her evidently warped, slightly morbid sense of humor seems to be rooted as far back as my 4'11" , " I am a stroke patient!" grandmother.

 

Grandmother doesn't know the racy ramblings that roll off of her tongue till she sees the ghostly faces of the strangers in disbelief, and her grandchildren on the side visibly dying from laughter. I have been witness on numerous occasions of her bashing of every race, shape & religion... including her own since " the stroke". She once complained to an elderly woman sitting to the right of her about how she can't walk any more, and how she is too old. She actually uttered the words " crippled" at one point. Grandmother had failed to notice that the elderly woman was not sitting in a chair next to her.....it was a wheelchair!!! And she had obviously been there long enough, that I believe a hole was cut in order for her to release "the goods". My sister appreciated this situation, as did I.  

The apple does not fall far from the tree... 

My mother, with her genuine smile, and slightly smaller eyes that are warm, but can see to the shitty core of people,  is a little strange as well. I always wondered why others misfortune, whether brought on by the individual ( for example... morbidly obese people) , or by outside forces, made her laugh.  

We sat with my mothers older sister aka Aunty Jules, at my sisters varsity lacrosse game. Up walks a young man, about 6'3" with a stocky and slightly pudgy frame... He wore a tight red shirt with short sleeves. They matched what looked to be biker shorts that could have fit a five year old Ethiopian, on a Sally Struthers adopt-a-child infomercial. And as if her were being announced at the starting line up of an NBA game, my eyes took focus on this man. Probably only 16 years of age, but the size of a man... And all of a sudden I noticed that he was special. Not like "you have a special heart" special.... more like "Dee Dee Dee" special...Then right on que the words " the ringer" spilled out of my mothers, what I thought was innocent mouth. The look on my face was one of a person sitting in a stall in a public restroom, next to a person who seems like they are squeezing a five year old out of their ass. you know....one of those  "nail grinding and scraping the stall walls" shits. My hand immediately went to cover her fowl mouth... the exact way she would with me right before grabbing a bar of slightly used uvory soap for me to dine one. 

God bless this woman and the one who made her. For without these two, my sister and I would be as fun as watching reruns of old people line dancing on the cable access channels... yay for sitting around and watching paint dry...

And now we get to my lovely and only sister.

She looked like a China doll as a child. Little did I know that behind her beautiful sparkling smile was a person so twisted, morbid, and warped, you swear she was a piece of plastic that sat in a microwave, and shaped that China doll in to the thing I call Alexis. I would have it no other way. She is who she is and everyone loves it. I embrace it for she is a lot like myself...but she is better. She is as crazy as me, as creative, and as comfortable being who she is, and has only just begun to find herself. I am old technology and she is the new improved version. She is also known as the Michaelangelo of photoshop. I have fallen victim to her right click, cropping, pasting, and blur tool every birthday and Christmas... She is a genius. No one has ever mad my face look so perfect on a gorilla man in a bikini, wearing a flava flav chain, with a crucifix dangling from it, that looked as if it had been stolen from the top of the Vatican. I love each and every one, and would only be lucky enough to have fifty more. Even though her halo is held up by horns she will always have a spot in the heaven of my heart. She is such a large part of why every day is so special. I wrote to her in a way today that I have never done before. it took me more than one emotional, windshield wipe of my face, something got in my eye moments to finish writing the card. I hope she always stays the same crazy ass, japanese pop band loving, streaked hair, bass playing, cruelty to animals caring, I'd rather wear jeans that a skirt girl for the rest of her life. I love her for all that she is... my little elli belly, My sister.

setting: I wrote this on the night of my sisters birthday at a Korean Karaoke bar that my sister and her friends were celebrating at.... it was actually a 2 level/ Korean restaurant on the bottom, Hair salon/ Karaoke bar on the second floor.... it smelled like bulgogi, aqua net, and stank breath from all of the singing that was going on.... lovely!